i still remember the day i almost lost my finger - my middle finger on my right hand. no wait, perhaps it was my left. alas, how the intricacies of details(just me doing my best at sounding “cheem” here… heh) get lost through the passage of time. still, the rest of the incident is vivid. the sounds etched in my memory. the love and sharpness of my dad still leaves me warm and fuzzy inside.

every time i watch a father mother parent drop his kid off at school, i get drawn back to the incident which happened in 1994. i think… perhaps 1995 or perhaps 1993. but that really isnt the crux of this.

i remember my dad dropping my off at school - as usual. (i think my dad deserves the “Dad of the millenium” award for constantly doing this) As i waved goodbye to my dad, somehow or another, on that slow and dreary morning, as i slammed the doors shut, my finger got caught. (this is such a super long sentence…)

no kidding. just imagine seeing your fingers jammed between the car door and the body of the car. imagine the fear that went through my head. imagine that moment of paralysis. i clearly remember that feeling. i was there, rooted to the ground. i didnt know what to do. my mind was at a loss.

all i remember doing was staring back through the window, into the back of the driver’s seat. all i remember thinking was hoping my dad could come out and erase that moment away.

thank god he didnt drive away. thank god he didnt decide to become singapores version of Kimi Raikkonen (did i get his name right?). thank god he decided to look back through the rear view mirror. thank god for his sharpness and concern. because something odd happened that morning. instead of driving off, he got out of the car to make sure i was ok. perhaps it was his gut, perhaps it was his acute sense of fear for me. perhaps it was love.

whatever supernatural/dad’s love feeling it was, he got out. in an instant he became my hero. he came around the car, looked at my plight, swung the door open and brought me to the sick bay. no questions asked. talk about sensitivity. no “why you so stupid?” no “why cant you close the car door properly?” no damn nonsense.

thanks dad.

i cant seem to find the right words to paint that picture. that huge red orange colour of warmth. although this is 3 months too early, its never too early to say thank you for you.

Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

Found this while I was surfing around during my free time… enjoy the x-men origins trailer!

and there he was
sitting in front of his screen
once again looking
once again waiting
once again wondering
if this monday night was going to be as great
as the great spectacular as the first 3 he had

only time would tell…

my life hasn’t been anything like shards of broken glass - its far from that. in fact, as im sitting down and typing this out, i catch myself thinking the same lines over and over again, “what the heck am i to write about?”

as i watch the cursor blink repetitively, never losing a beat, like the beating of a human heart, i wonder where that side of me has been? that side which used to be able to sit down and write for hours, that side who did not need to constantly tap at the backspace key, that side who took pride in what he wrote.

don’t get me wrong… im not depressed or down or dejected or whatever is it you lot like to call it. that word doesn’t exist in my dictionary. its just plain sailing now, like a boat out in the middle of a huge lake, like a feather falling through the vast open sky. like the smoke from a cigar, endlessly filling the room.

i catch myself again. am i making sense of this? i can’t be bothered anymore… no more “backspacing” no more thinking… no more “does this really make any sense”? i guess sometimes people just want to know what im thinking, have something to read, have something to do.

like me. its 3am and im sitting in front of the screen, staring again. into space. i need to do something exciting. i need to achieve something. i need to get out of this cycle. perhaps… i need to get l**d. hah.

Been wanting to update this place for awhile but ive really been too busy! Ok. I know. Thou shalt not make excuses for his lack of discipline.

I guess sometimes, you really need that added emotional build up before you can place your thoughts down. You know that feeling  you get when you feel like you just have so much to say, so much to express that your head might even be starting to hurt? Words just seem to flow and flow, your fingers running across the keyboard, desperately trying to keep up. Sometimes your sentences are incoherent, grammatically incorrect, and you start to ponder to yourself if it even makes sense at all.

*deep breath in and out*

ok. calm down. you can do this. =)

December came and went by just like that. It literally felt like I was running a race against time, a race to keep my breath, a race to catch my sleep, a race to enjoy the holidays.

Nativity Youths in Malacca

AKLTG IAG1 and SK2

and then it ended. just like that. no more mad rush, no more sleep-deprived nights, no more triple coffee shots. what a huge roller coaster ride! but i did manage to hop onto a plane to cambodia, i did manage to spend a wonderful xmas this year with dearest fatty and i did manage a simple countdown with her.

as they say… behind every successful man lies a great woman… =) i think in my case, shes great in every way… hint hint. heh.

looking forward to an exciting 2009. wish me luck!

something happened recently, and left a huge impact on me.
it got me thinking of the invisible lines we draw in our society, the people we come into contact with, the friends we mix with, the people buy our kachang puteh from.

you see, several days ago while shopping at NTUC, i saw this mother chasing after her one/two year old daughter who was running amok. she was chasing her down the aisles, from the biscuits to the dairy products, from the dairy products to the meats. while that shouldn’t have been anything but odd, i’m pretty sure i heard the mum say this to her daughter.

“stop running if not later the ah-pu-neh come and take you away!”

for those of you who are unfamiliar with the term “ah-pu-nek” it is a term (perhaps derogatory) that singaporeans have come up with for our indian friends (i think we came up with this right?).

to my amazement, this lady was just repeating that line over and over again as if it were absolute truth! omigoodness! i couldnt help but think to myself what message we are sending to our younger generation! can you imagine a generation of youth brought up to think that the “ah-pu-neh” is bad? we give so much power to this “ah-pu-neh” construct that it even begins to scare us! what a friggin huge paradox!

it wasnt a huge house party,
it wasnt a grand ball.
heck, it wasnt even flowing with free booze, topless females and girlie pillow fights (haha… i wonder what goes on in my head sometimes…)

but the small gathering,
with close friends and family (yes… didnt forget you bro…),
will probably be etched in my memory for many more years to come.
thanks fatty. thanks for always giving me the best you can.
you’re probably right… i am the LUCKIEST dude ever.

movie night with chubby and liam,
lessons with my fav student,
lunch with jy, peiyi, parry, and sq,
dinner and sun restaurant with the fatty (yes… THAT jap restaurant @ Chijmes)
Quantum of Solace Movie Premier @ Cathay!!! (thanks Chubby!)
another WTF surprise cake at home with the guys!!!

my night really ended on a high.
hence im writing now at 2am
smiles and all
still cant believe how it turned out.

thanks to all of you
from the bottom of my heart
thanks, sincerely

blink blink blink
543689 days and nights later
a line appears

breathe in, breathe out.
94637204758s later
another few lines appear

and then theres no stopping them
each crease telling a different story
a story for the people that come after
some hide secrets
some hide moments of embarassment

others tell the story of a great man
someone who made a difference in my life
and perhaps the life of many others

i guess we can’t ever stop the hands of time. age does catch up. even with you dad.

3 Hours, 2 Days, 1 Mission. Finally. I’m done. No. We’re done. Yes. Both Fabian and I.

Have I ever mentioned that sometimes, just sometimes, we need a mentor in life? Someone to help kick our ass, shout at us, raise the bar? Someone who’d put the niceties aside and tell us brutally that we suck. Someone who’d run around Singapore with you at 5am in the morning from bus stop to bus stop throwing flyers/posters/banners.

It truly is a case of the mastering appearing when the student is ready. I guess I’m finally ready. Ready to kick some butt.

Also, thanks to my dearest for standing by me and putting up with my nonsense over the last week. I know its been tough. Thanks to Adam for letting me bounce ideas off him. And of course, thanks to the big guy himself.

It’s finally done!!

i had a chance to notice something really awesome in action 3 days ago. in fact, i think its so awesome that i think i should write it down and share it with you.

i was queuing up a couple of days ago at a bank waiting to carry out some transactions. (what i was doing there really isn’t important… really!) just about 7 people in front of me, i notice this lady pulling this black metallic looking trolley behind her. I couldnt tell immediately what she was lugging inside but it sure did look heavy.

when it was finally her turn (about 15 minutes later… i was still 7 people behind her… damn) i saw her lift 1 of the huge bags onto the counter. the lady at the counter stares at her, apparently in disbelief. i couldnt tell what that expression was. and this lady proceeds to say, id like to get these coins banked in.

can you imagine that? a huge black and white GNC plastic bag filled up with coins. im guessing she probably had somewhere close to 2000 - 3000 dollars in that bag!

when it was finally my turn, the other cashier was still busy emptying the coins into the machine! get this… it was a bag full of mainly $1 coins! (wtf?!)

im guessing she was probably banking on behalf or her daughter/son who faithfully put aside one dollar coins a day. powerful ain’t it? hes probably 10 or something with more than $2000 in savings. keep that up and hes going to end up with somewhere close to 10 grand when hes 20. perfect for a dollar a day.

whoever said size mattered was probably a moron to begin with.