Lord please grant me the courage
to change the things that I can
to accept those that I cant
and the wisdom to know the difference.

I allowed you in my world
I allowed my heart to find solace in you
I allowed you to hurt me

When you fail to understand
when you walk away
you tear away a part of me
you do not see when I cry
till the tears sting
and the whimpers suffocate

I’m sorry.. I tried.
But I can’t sacrifice myself anymore
There isn’t much left in me

i wish the boy i knew would come back

I think I’m getting sick. Again. And I’m still not done with the antibiotics the doc gave me previously after giving me a jab for my fever. I feel tired and wobbly and generally not good. I feel like I should be panicked about something. This is ridiculous.

Bodies are confusing things. It would be so much easier if we just operated everything through our souls. Instead we have bodies to contend with; they almost have minds of their own. Mine gives me fever and insomnia and anxiety problems and vertigo. And they’re hard to figure out. They do all sorts of things that we don’t even know about; they’re complicated. And fragile, very fragile.

I tend to throw mine around when I move, I’ve noticed recently. I don’t pay attention to what it’s doing, only to what I’m doing, and they’re separate things. My body is an afterthought, almost. It’s hard for me to understand it; I’m not so good with physical stuff.

Bah.

I think, I ask, I wonder.

I think about what you’re doing,
I ask myself what I’m doing,
and I wonder if I’ll ever understand,
Understand what it means to be in your shoes.

I met a friend today. She made me think.
Think about all the times we had,
all the joys we shared.
Then she asked if I ever wanted you back.
She asked me what I was doing with my life.
She asked me to stop kidding myself.
And then I wondered.
Wondered if I still did love you,
wondered if things would ever be the same again.
Wondered…
I’m still wondering…

Cause I guess, I’ll never be able to see it, I’ll never be able to stand in your shoes.

A promise I made a long time ago, to see everything like you.
To make sure I saw your point of view, to make sure I understood.
Somehow its difficult, maybe its impossible.
The brains, the love and the care I lack…

Maybe, just maybe, I dont deserve you.

I wrote a song, 2 prehaps.
Thinking bout the look on your face, the gaze in your eyes.
But I guess I’ll never know until I see you.

Will you listen, will you cry?
Will you run, will you deny?
Somethings I never will know, because I’m just not you.

Half my world has left, the other half crumbled.
I smile, I laugh, I jump for joy.
But I guess, theyll never know what it’s like without you.

*smiles softly and lays back feeling the sun shining on my face*

*picks a flower and weaves it behind my ear*

Things seem to have picked up. Plans are going forward, the sun’s been shining down for many a day.

*listens to the sound of people laughing, like the splash of water into a lake at the bottom of a waterfall*

Right now, I have no reason to feel afraid. When night falls, and the darkness tries to engulf me, I lay and look up at the stars. A beautiful sight, and a constant reminder of how amazing the world is.

I’ve been walking on, been figuring things out.

It’s hard to feel unhappy when the sun’s shining so brightly, when I’m walking by the pool and hear the voices of the children, or walking by the river and gazing at the vastness in front of me.

Watching two butterflies dancing together in the sky, seeing a feather being blown away by a gentle cool breeze.

Seeing the sun rise in the east in the morning, and setting as night falls, casting a dazzling glow across the sky.

*sings softly*

*dips my feet into the pool and feel its freshness*

*lays back happily and sighs softly*

I am content just being me.

Havent blogged in awhile. I was away at a camp. A church camp.

See the picture on the left? Thats the whole lot of us! The youths of Nativity! Hurray!

During the camp, something was shared that struck me so hard it still remains fresh in my memory.

“Theres a time for everything. A time to laugh and a time to cry. A time to joke and a time for seriousness. A time to have fun and a time to reflect. Know your place and your time. Know when to laugh and when to cry. Know when to be serious and when not to. Because if all you ever want to do is laugh and play, you will be the downfall. The downfall of your friends and your group.”

To me, that was a pretty powerful paragraph! Not too sure about you but it’s stuck with me for good!

To all those who took part in the camp, organisers and participants alike, thank you.

hello! since jam has shamelessly stated SO many items on his christmas list, i shall come up with a little list of mine too hee. but mine’ll be more modest :p

1) the one watch ive been wanting for donkey years!

Tag Heuer Alter Ego Women’s Watch

2) my very own bass guit!

Rogue LX200B 4-String Bass, Metallic Charcoal

3) A nice bigbig Adidas bag!

Adidas Women’s Rendezvous Duffel, Cocoa White

4) Books! i love mystery & suspense

The Shadow of the Wind - By Carlos Ruiz Zafon

5) A Canon Digital SLR camera *beams*

Canon EOS 20D 8.2MP Digital SLR Camera

6) A new Le Coq Sportif White Jacket:)

i know which one i like but i cant find a pic of it its available at Harbourfront though! *hint* hee

i was quite good this year… so maybe santa will gimme a nice surprise toodles!

Today I learnt something. An important lesson. A painful one.

As the title of this post suggests, its all about expectations.

“What’s there to learn about expectations?” you ask. Here’s my answer given below.

Sometimes, expectations are things that set us up for failure!(Sometimes…) Expectations are limits and benchmarks we set for ourselves and the people around us to live and perform by. And what happens when expectations are not met? Well, a variety of things will happen!

One things for sure, you will not be happy when expectations are met! Let’s imagine that you, a super nice person, does your friend a huge huge favour. You go all out to help them even to the extent of putting yourself on the line. And he/she doesnt even bother to say a word of thanks! Would you get pissed off? I know I would. And where would this feeling of irritation come from?

Expectations! You’re absolutely right!

Or lets look at another situation. Let’s imagine you’re going on a date. You believe in ‘going dutch’. However, to unknown to you, the lady expects the meal to be paid for - by you. Let’s also imagine that you’re the funniest guy ever, ok maybe you ARE very funny, joking and laughing and poking fun. Basically having a whale of a time. Then when the bill comes, you look at her and say “50 divided by 2 is 25″. What do you think will happen? Doesnt really take a genius to guess huh?

Getting my drift? Expectations may be the very thing that causes majority of the misunderstanding today. Expectations may be that wedge in your relationship! So, next time, before you blow your top or get irritated, ask yourself this. “Am I expecting too much?” And if you are, take a step back, give your partner a breather and take things slow.

Life will be so much more bearable, maybe even blissful.

Green shadows, cooling and soft,

Blocking from the harsh glare.

A world in dimness almost lost,

A hideaway most fair.

Lingering in sweet dreams,

And desires too long supressed.

Drifting on gentle streams,

Hidden from distress.

Yet, the eye longs to see,

Beyond the wrapped shadows,

To a world as it should be,

Not disguised in self-imposed values.

A forest green,

Soft upon the eye.

Yet an unchanging scene,

Where reality can hide.

Raise my eyes to the sky,

And feel the warmth of sun on my face.

My hurts and angers left to lie,

Resting quietly in this serene place.

Step from the green shadows

Into the honest clear day.

My victory over haunting battles,

Won on this day.

Sweet mystery of life,

A puzzle you are.

But even in a place of no strife,

This is for Angie, Fabian, little Javier and their family… with my deepest sympathy in this time of grief. with much love, ancella

Trips into yesterday,

Years back.

Voices once well known,

Now lost in emptiness black.

I am not sad

For what I have become,

But wonder at the losing,

Of where I once came from.

Spread a fan of stars,

Lit in a glimmering parade.

A white moon floating,

In a fathomless sea of black.

I rode into that world

On an albino steed of words,

Brandishing my sword of phrases,

Born from a heart desperate to sing.

Herald…the trumpeteer,

As she flies upon wings of emotion,

Spilling tears from a jeweled chalice,

Now, shelved in spent silence,

And the applause faded away,

Except for a single heart still listening,

A heart once broken in abject absence,

Of the greetings once so many.

Okok… I’m feeling so greedy this year. I think I want to extend my Christmas wish list. Just because I’m a greedy little boy. Heh. So don’t mind my rambles and bear with me!

1) a white apple 4GB ipod nano!

Apple 4 GB iPod Nano White

2) a Sony digital camera!

Sony Cybershot DSCT5 5.1MP Digital Camera with 3x Optical Zoom (Black)

3) a Fossil watch!

Fossil - Watches - Black Degrade Dial - Mens Metal Chronograph Watch