Creating great rapport - part 2
Reading my last entry, I realised I’d better clarify some things before you start to get confused! What do I mean? Last time I mentioned modelling, matching and mirroring, I failed to include when to do so, how to do it and so on. So how exactly do you match and mirror someone?
Everyone has their own unique set of gestures, facial expressions, posture and personal space. Simply put, different people exhibit different patterns of body language!
When you are matching someone’s posture, you have to notice how they stand, how and where they position their arms and feet. Also, notice the angle which they have their head tilted. A head tilted slightly indicates interest, a head slanted down indicates negativity and doubt. Why are you doing this? This is important because similarity breeds rapport. A similar posture allows you to tap and get a rough feel of the other party’s psychological makeup!
The next thing you can mirror is someone’s gestures. Many people are limited to a set of gestures unique to them. Some people may wave their hands wildly when they engage in conversation, others may fidget. Still others may rub their arms or scratch. A word of caution, when you are mirroring or matching someone’s gestures, do it with a tinge of SUBTLETY!!! Do not attempt to fold your arms or scratch your nose at the same time as your client/date! He may get the wrong idea and think that you are poking fun or imitating him!
Also, do pay attention to your client’s/date’s facial expression. Although I have found this to be slightly more challenging, it does reveal so much about a person when you master it! Universal facial expressions include smiling when you’re happy and frowning when you’re sad or dissatisfied. Research and studies have also shown that a person’s eye movement can tell you rather accurately the part of the brain a person is accessing. For instance, when looking upwards, people tend to be thinking in pictures etc.
What a great mouthful of information! And I haven’t even started on personal space yet! If all this seems so foreign and too much for you, fret not! Take this oppotunity to stretch yourself! Allow yourself to grow to be able to read and absorb more! Trust me! Step by step, little by little, all your improvements will add up!
Ready for the last part? Here we go!
Personal space, while many find it trivial, is the distance between you and your contact. Some people may be slightly claustrophobic and will feel uneasy when people stand too near. Others may prefer closeness and even some form of contact! So position yourself at varying distance and see how your client reacts!
I cannot stress the importance of building great rapport, both for working and social purposes.
Out!
