it’s been a bad day today.

recieved my results for my spanish exam and i didn’t manage to meet the mark. sigh.
Qué sucedió? No idea… (What happened? I have no idea)

Oh well… can’t let a lil hiccup stop me from becoming the best I can be right? I’m a lil’ sad now but I’m sure it’ll pass and the sun will shine again.

¡Tenía una examen espanol hoy!
For those of you who don’t speak Spanish, it means “I had a spanish exam today!”

The paper wasn’t so bad. I couldn’t manage to catch most of the conversations on the tape but the rest was ok! (At least that’s what I think.)

I just realised that it’s been a long while since I blogged about anything inspirational. Here’s a little something I’ve had kept aside for awhile now.
Came across this short exerpt a couple of times over the past few years and I’ve been thinking, perhaps theres a reason why I’ve been coming across this over and over again.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” by Marianne Williamson from A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles

I’ve heard this little reflection twice. Both times while watching a movie. The first time I heard it was when I was watching ‘Coach Carter’ and the second time was in the show ‘Akeelah and the Bee’.

I didn’t understand it the first time I came across it. I thought it sounded a little too deep for me. Then after hearing it again, about a year later, I realised that this snippet made alot of sense.

So many times we let fear overpower us. We fear failing, we fear of people laughing at us, we fear the unknown. We believe that we are ordinary, that we don’t deserve anything better. We believe that we’re the victims of life and that there’s nothing in our power to change that fact.

We let this fear consume all of our energy that we begin to hide in the shadows, that we begin to lose faith in ourselves.

Funny isn’t it? As a child I never seemed to be afraid of anything. I thought I could be anyone, hell I thought I could even be Superman - someone with all the power to change/save the world! Somehow, with the years, this limitless source of energy seemed to trickle.

‘Actually. who are you not to be?’

Ask yourself this. Who are you not to be successful? Who are you not to be rich? Who are you not to be confident? Who are you not to be motivated? Who are you not to be powerful?

You are no lesser than the man with immense wealth, than the man with that big car, or that man who seems to have the world at his feet!

As you go about your day today, keep reminding yourself, keep repeating to yourself that you are meant to shine! That you were born with it inside you! Don’t let others take away what is rightfully yours. Don’t let others tell you what you can or cannot be, what you can or cannot do.

Because you are powerful.

I don’t believe my luck.

Got back from Copenhagen
Checked my bank balance

There it was again
The bank had to deduct money that I did not draw again!

First was 250euros in Eindhoven
Now 40euros in Copenhagen!

I smell a hidden conspiracy

feeling exceptionally down tonight

feels like a binding aura
pinning me down, fierce without my approval
staring at me like im some kind of criminal

somehow we seem to be living in a web
or maybe like the wheels on a bicycle
maybe we shouldnt be so idealistic
maybe love shouldnt be read like a mantra
afterall who am i to stop you
because ignorance really is bliss
maybe i shouldnt really care

theres just so much we never get to say
this is starting to lose the feeling of a tango
this no longer tastes like tiramisu

maybe all i need now is a kick
or something from a book of origami
to shield me from this
to give me a world free of doubts and worries
or maybe
maybe im just overly worried

how i long for that familiar warmth
maybe i should look at ask that I
what kind of song i want to sing as my anthem

just blabbering a bit. know this really isnt my style. jeremy will be back to being jeremy soon. =)