at a real loss for words

another random-heavy heart-emo post. it’s hard to get oneself on his feet again, but I guess, somehow I will.

what’s this feeling I’m feeling thats literally tearing me apart
what’s this feeling I’m feeling that feels like someone just grabbed hold of my heart
what’s this feeling I’m feeling of lost, tired and afraid?

i had so many things to say/to blog about when I was out with you but I seem to be at a loss for words now.

this constant blink of my cursor,
the silent purr of my laptop,
the humming of my fan.

i feel almost like a disease,
consuming both you and me.
its eating voraciously at my heart
and I can see, its taking its toll on you too

jealousy, egoism or love?
how does one tell the others apart?

if love were just about wanting to spend more time with you,
then I really do.
if love were just about hugging you without wanting anything in return,
then I really do.
if love were just wanting to hear your voice, see your face and watch you in the distance,
then I really do.

“keep your head up!”
that’s what I used to say.
guess its really a lot easier said than done
now that I’m the one

it’s quite obvious that you’re turning away from me.
it’s quite silly that the both of us keep putting up that smile.
it’s all quite silly.

will we turn around and kick ourselves? one will never know.
will we look back and wish for time to return? one will never know too.
but I know I need to keep fighting. not only for you, but for me too.

one last cry. thats what i really need, before I leave it all behind.

you burn the bridges,
you tell yourself to stop looking back.
you plan your time,
so I’ll never be there.

tell me now you evil monster,
tell me how I can make you swoon.