watching you run by
with that cheerful gleam in your eyes
it makes me wonder
how i could miss
the love you always had for me

sitting there, head throbbing,
shoulders aching, tummy growling,
i find myself thinking
“i really love this girl so much”

mushy. i know.

ohmigoodness… i just realised that it’s almost been like a month since I last wrote… shame on you jeremy… and shame on the rest of you for not reminding me!

this isn’t going to be a post about magic, this isn’t going to be a post about Harry Potter and neither is this going to be a post about Sinbad (that’s the Open Seasame dude rite?) there’s probably going to be a thousand and one other things this post isn’t going to be about… so why don’t i just get to the point already…

“A master will appear when the student is ready…”
“Seek ye not my friend, answers will come when the mind is ready…”

sometimes we go searching for answers in life not knowing where to look, how to look or even what to look out for! but sometimes, all we have to do is take a breather and let it look for us… pretty deep isn’t it? (well it better be cos i don’t even know what i mean!)

had a couple of things i wanted to write about before but age really isn’t being kind to me… so till next time then.

out.

i had the chance to listen to a story about an avid gambler and the never-ending love his wife had for him. maybe il just share the main gist of it here. i thought the guy was a real loser, and i thought that the wife was truly a sweetheart.

there was a man who loved to gamble. whatever money that came his way would end up in the vaults of the gambling den. the amount of money he had in his bank alternated between $2000 and $0 - every month. he even had to declared bankrupt several times because of loans from the “sharks”!

however, throughout the twenty odd years, his wife never left him. she was there, always behind him, supporting him, hoping that he would one day wake up from his bout of foolishness. but alas, that day never came.

personally, i thought the man was a huge !@#$% for not learning from his lessons and changing. on the other hand, i think a wife like her is hard to come by. someone who respects and loves - literally through thick and thin.

some of you reading this might be wondering what the heck im sharing this for.

the reason is simple.

i just want to flaunt. =)
(yes yes… use your common sense and infer.)

time really is a funny thing. it does not stop for you, neither does it look back. it does not take pity on you, neither does it celebrate. it crawls past at first, and then unknowingly, it sprouts wings and takes off into the distant sky.

sometimes it goes so fast you wish it stopped, allowing every single taste of life’s better moments to be savoured, and yet at other times, you wish time could just speed up so that the boring guy would just shut up.

and yet, as i stand behind her, watching over her, i find myself wondering why time even exists at all. time draws the colour from your hair, adds lines to your face and draws strength from you legs. time dulls your senses, slowly sucks away your smile and just sometimes, keeps you waiting.

life is a joke. its like a gun with only 6 bullets. once you’re out, you’re out. newer, faster, sleeker looking guns seem to pop out every minute, rendering you old and useless.

don’t get me wrong, my life doesn’t suck. it’s far from sucking. it’s probably the furtherest thing you can find from sucking. cos even when i’m down, someone, something or somebeing will be there to prop me right back up.

its the life part that im not happy about. the birth-old-sick-die syndrome… (yes, a literal translation from the chinese idiom) what’s that all about anyway? bah.

alright. enough with the silly questions already. i’m not just sitting on my fat hairy arse wasting my life away. im teaching. im a tutor. a full-fledged-full-time-full-whatever-it-is-you-call-it tutor. and yes. im damned happy doing it.

had a long chat with my dad today and i guess he finally came to terms with the fact that i was going to be teaching - albeit for a short while. so he dove into his “if-you-can’t-win-them-join-them” speech and spoke to me for a good solid half hour. that half hour shook me up real good.

after going on and on about how i needed to start being serious and start aggressive marketing, he finally said this to me. and boy did it smack me in the face.

“you are in the business of creating and fulfilling dreams son…”

initially, i sat there and thought to myself, ‘ok… maybe this time he’s really gone over the cliff… dreams? what the heck in the world is he talking about?’ so i smiled and said ‘yup… dreams’.

but i guess he sense that i was just being patronising so he look at me seriously and repeated himself. then he went on to tell me how as a parent he would have dreams of his son becoming a somebody in life. someone respectable, someone smart, someone sensible. and since education started in school, he hoped that his child’s teacher would be a great role model.

then it struck me. (i bet this was exactly how einstein felt when the apple hit his head. =) )

i wasn’t just there to teach or to help them pass… i was there to help fulfill dreams. dreams a father had for his son, big huge dreams a child had to become someone - maybe just like his dad… dreams of a better tomorrow… dreams…

so i guess im finally understanding my dad. i am in the business of creating and fulfilling dreams! no kidding!

=) yes. i’m finally off my arse and writing again! i’m literally smiling as i’m writing this post. i’m not kidding! there were so many occasions when i really wanted to sit down and blog but i guess i was just being too un-hardworking… (what a bum!)

LIFE and the BIG GUY up there has really been treating me really fine these couple of month. work’s a blast especially working with 2 great guys who’ve literally seen me grow up… (ahhh, yes… time does fly and i do age…) these are 2 guys with drive, determination and dreams. thanks to them, i’ve managed to get off my ass and start dreaming big too. so kudos to you, fabian and liam.

and then there’s my lil pooh bear a.k.a fatty a.k.a fei zai. sometimes love really does smack you in the face (or scratch you in the arm… haha…) but i guess its really worth it. cheery, caring, understanding, easy to please, in love with me. need i say more? =P

i don’t really want to do a verbal vomit currently so i guess i’ll keep this post short and end off now. speaking of which… i think i’m fat - like really fat… bah. need to start running, swimming and biking again.

you know what they say - he who sits down, gets fat… (ok ok, i made that up…)

haven’t blogged in awhile. guess cause i haven’t been feeling like it? right. oxymoron sentence. well, all is smooth sailing now in life, great friends, family, girlfriend.

what’s in store for me in the next few years? thats the same question that’s been on the back of my mind for awhile now. o well. wherever he leads me to, il follow.

okay. before you get me wrong, its not THAT kind of threesome im talking about. so all you pervs who’ve landed here because you typed in “threesome” into “Google”, please click the “x” button and go away. =)

so what kind of threesome am i talking about then? well it does involve 3 people. lets see, theres me, mich and God. (what were you thinking? =) )

life’s been really great this few months. it still does smack me right in the face with a couple of downs, but im surviving them pretty well. im kinda living my life in a certain kinda “zen” like nature now. everything is balanced. everything is sorted out (or getting sorted out).

in other words, im happy.

swish swash swish swash. the sound of the calm sea against the hull of our boat. chug chug chug chug, the sound of the engine pulling all of us along. whistle whistle blow blow, the gentle caress of the passing wind. my weekend couldn’t have been more perfect!

and there you were right beside me, from dusk till dawn, from morning to evening. and there you were right beside me, swimming, eating, sun-bathing. the little episode with the hornet, the little laughs we had in the pool, the short lovely stroll in the evening. thanks baby, thanks for still walking with me.

pics coming up very soon!

you sly evil one, i scorn the way you turn and hide.
you pull others apart, you put thoughts where they shouldn’t be.
you cause people to think with distrust
you cause people to hurt and cry
o you silent one, how you stabbed me in the back

sometimes, people can be so busy during the day that they forget. they forget about everything else other than what’s in front of them. sometimes you might call them at the wrong time, especially when they’re mixing this and that. but that doesn’t mean they dont think of you, it just means that theyre busy. so dont jump to conclusions my friend, that the world loves you any less. because it really hurts inside, when you fight with me because of that.

lovers we are and thats what we’ll always be. dont turn you back on me now, dont leave me alone behind. ive given you all of my love my dear, please please trust me with your heart.