watching you run by
with that cheerful gleam in your eyes
it makes me wonder
how i could miss
the love you always had for me

sitting there, head throbbing,
shoulders aching, tummy growling,
i find myself thinking
“i really love this girl so much”

mushy. i know.

ohmigoodness… i just realised that it’s almost been like a month since I last wrote… shame on you jeremy… and shame on the rest of you for not reminding me!

this isn’t going to be a post about magic, this isn’t going to be a post about Harry Potter and neither is this going to be a post about Sinbad (that’s the Open Seasame dude rite?) there’s probably going to be a thousand and one other things this post isn’t going to be about… so why don’t i just get to the point already…

“A master will appear when the student is ready…”
“Seek ye not my friend, answers will come when the mind is ready…”

sometimes we go searching for answers in life not knowing where to look, how to look or even what to look out for! but sometimes, all we have to do is take a breather and let it look for us… pretty deep isn’t it? (well it better be cos i don’t even know what i mean!)

had a couple of things i wanted to write about before but age really isn’t being kind to me… so till next time then.

out.

i had the chance to listen to a story about an avid gambler and the never-ending love his wife had for him. maybe il just share the main gist of it here. i thought the guy was a real loser, and i thought that the wife was truly a sweetheart.

there was a man who loved to gamble. whatever money that came his way would end up in the vaults of the gambling den. the amount of money he had in his bank alternated between $2000 and $0 - every month. he even had to declared bankrupt several times because of loans from the “sharks”!

however, throughout the twenty odd years, his wife never left him. she was there, always behind him, supporting him, hoping that he would one day wake up from his bout of foolishness. but alas, that day never came.

personally, i thought the man was a huge !@#$% for not learning from his lessons and changing. on the other hand, i think a wife like her is hard to come by. someone who respects and loves - literally through thick and thin.

some of you reading this might be wondering what the heck im sharing this for.

the reason is simple.

i just want to flaunt. =)
(yes yes… use your common sense and infer.)

time really is a funny thing. it does not stop for you, neither does it look back. it does not take pity on you, neither does it celebrate. it crawls past at first, and then unknowingly, it sprouts wings and takes off into the distant sky.

sometimes it goes so fast you wish it stopped, allowing every single taste of life’s better moments to be savoured, and yet at other times, you wish time could just speed up so that the boring guy would just shut up.

and yet, as i stand behind her, watching over her, i find myself wondering why time even exists at all. time draws the colour from your hair, adds lines to your face and draws strength from you legs. time dulls your senses, slowly sucks away your smile and just sometimes, keeps you waiting.

life is a joke. its like a gun with only 6 bullets. once you’re out, you’re out. newer, faster, sleeker looking guns seem to pop out every minute, rendering you old and useless.

don’t get me wrong, my life doesn’t suck. it’s far from sucking. it’s probably the furtherest thing you can find from sucking. cos even when i’m down, someone, something or somebeing will be there to prop me right back up.

its the life part that im not happy about. the birth-old-sick-die syndrome… (yes, a literal translation from the chinese idiom) what’s that all about anyway? bah.

alright. enough with the silly questions already. i’m not just sitting on my fat hairy arse wasting my life away. im teaching. im a tutor. a full-fledged-full-time-full-whatever-it-is-you-call-it tutor. and yes. im damned happy doing it.

had a long chat with my dad today and i guess he finally came to terms with the fact that i was going to be teaching - albeit for a short while. so he dove into his “if-you-can’t-win-them-join-them” speech and spoke to me for a good solid half hour. that half hour shook me up real good.

after going on and on about how i needed to start being serious and start aggressive marketing, he finally said this to me. and boy did it smack me in the face.

“you are in the business of creating and fulfilling dreams son…”

initially, i sat there and thought to myself, ‘ok… maybe this time he’s really gone over the cliff… dreams? what the heck in the world is he talking about?’ so i smiled and said ‘yup… dreams’.

but i guess he sense that i was just being patronising so he look at me seriously and repeated himself. then he went on to tell me how as a parent he would have dreams of his son becoming a somebody in life. someone respectable, someone smart, someone sensible. and since education started in school, he hoped that his child’s teacher would be a great role model.

then it struck me. (i bet this was exactly how einstein felt when the apple hit his head. =) )

i wasn’t just there to teach or to help them pass… i was there to help fulfill dreams. dreams a father had for his son, big huge dreams a child had to become someone - maybe just like his dad… dreams of a better tomorrow… dreams…

so i guess im finally understanding my dad. i am in the business of creating and fulfilling dreams! no kidding!

and there she was, sitting silently, watching on as figments of her life played out right before her eyes. some sang while others clapped. some were busy with the camera while others were trying to light the candles. there they were, squeezed in the tiny restaurant, bustling with joy, warm and happiness.

today she was their centre, today she was the star. children, grandchildren and even great grandsons and great grand-daughters came from all over and crowded around her. she smiled, ever so slightly. what she really was thinking about no one really knew. but we knew she had much to be proud of. and likewise, we knew she had done her best as a mother, a grandmother, a great grandmother. happy birthday popo. you probably will never read this but know that you’ll always have us right here behind you.

=) yes. i’m finally off my arse and writing again! i’m literally smiling as i’m writing this post. i’m not kidding! there were so many occasions when i really wanted to sit down and blog but i guess i was just being too un-hardworking… (what a bum!)

LIFE and the BIG GUY up there has really been treating me really fine these couple of month. work’s a blast especially working with 2 great guys who’ve literally seen me grow up… (ahhh, yes… time does fly and i do age…) these are 2 guys with drive, determination and dreams. thanks to them, i’ve managed to get off my ass and start dreaming big too. so kudos to you, fabian and liam.

and then there’s my lil pooh bear a.k.a fatty a.k.a fei zai. sometimes love really does smack you in the face (or scratch you in the arm… haha…) but i guess its really worth it. cheery, caring, understanding, easy to please, in love with me. need i say more? =P

i don’t really want to do a verbal vomit currently so i guess i’ll keep this post short and end off now. speaking of which… i think i’m fat - like really fat… bah. need to start running, swimming and biking again.

you know what they say - he who sits down, gets fat… (ok ok, i made that up…)

haven’t blogged in awhile. guess cause i haven’t been feeling like it? right. oxymoron sentence. well, all is smooth sailing now in life, great friends, family, girlfriend.

what’s in store for me in the next few years? thats the same question that’s been on the back of my mind for awhile now. o well. wherever he leads me to, il follow.

okay. before you get me wrong, its not THAT kind of threesome im talking about. so all you pervs who’ve landed here because you typed in “threesome” into “Google”, please click the “x” button and go away. =)

so what kind of threesome am i talking about then? well it does involve 3 people. lets see, theres me, mich and God. (what were you thinking? =) )

life’s been really great this few months. it still does smack me right in the face with a couple of downs, but im surviving them pretty well. im kinda living my life in a certain kinda “zen” like nature now. everything is balanced. everything is sorted out (or getting sorted out).

in other words, im happy.

im finally done i think.
with lectures and exams all behind me.
done with boring tutorials (yes… theres a reason why I slept sooo much in class)
done with yucky canteen food.

as i take the leap into life,
as much as i can plan and plan,
i really wonder what exciting challenges await me.

will i be the next nobel prize nominee?
will i be the next grammy award winner?
or will i just be the next person who comes by and touches your heart?

whatever the future holds, im ready to take that leap i guess.
cos someone once said,

“being a winner is not how hard you can hit, but how hard you can get hit over and over and still have the strength to stand up after that!”

brilliant isn’t it? a lesson about life in a movie.

well the worsts not over yet.
still have to pass my jap exam before i can join the ranks of those before me.
those who don the blue cape and look absolutely smart.
professing to the world, that im coming to make my mark.

watch out world, here i come!